Hep Hep Hoor- A! Or How Costco and Braces Conspired to Infect Me with Hepatitis A.

Our Saturday plans to relax and maybe even do something outdoorsy and exercise-y were thwarted by this lovely news article that Rugby stumbled upon while leisurely drinking his morning coffee:

Frozen berry mix sparks hepatitis A outbreak in 5 states!

And wouldn't you know it. Pam bought these same damn berries and fed them to her husband and child. Ridiculous things like this seem to always happen to Pam.

At any rate, we ate the whole possibly-contaminated bag of them. The brand was Townsend Farms. Here's the picture. Review Questions at the end.

Bag of Hep.

What the Hep?

So what is Hepatitis A? According to Wikipedia, it's a viral disease that is spread the "fecal-oral" route. So basically it's spread by poop. So eating food that has come into contact with the diseased poop or that has been sprayed with contamined water, or that has been touched by an infected worker with dirty hands will give you Hep A. Just remember, "fecal-oral". As if you could forget now.

Hepatitis A is a disease of the liver. If you do develop it, you can experience fatigue, vomitting, nausea, loss of apetite, and most famously- jaundice. You probably won't die from it, but it'll make you wicked sick and possibly land you in a hospital for several weeks.

I Blame the Braces

In anticipation of getting my braces, I stocked up on protein powder and frozen berries from Costco, to give myself an easy food source that did not require the use of my molars. There were a couple different varieties of frozen berries in the Costco freezer, but I was seduced by the words "organic" and "antioxidant." There was something organic in there, all right.

The thing is both Rugby and Squirt love when I make smoothies, and so whenever I made one for myself, I also made them for the two boys. (Even though I know this was not my fault, I still feel like an asshole for handing them hepatitis-laced smoothies.)

Anyhow, all the articles urged consumers who had eaten the berries within the last 14 days to get checked out, so we went and did that. All three of us spent a few hours in some random urgent care clinic. It was hard to find one in our network that was also open on a Saturday. We were attended by a doctor who resembled George Costanza. He had food dribbles all down his shirt and his white coat was dingy and black at the cuffs. He didn't exactly inspire confidence, but we weren't about to get picky.

Luckily, we knew Squirt had been vaccinated. Hep A vacs became part of the regular reportoire of childhood shots in 2004. But since Rugby nor I could be sure about our vaccinations, we were given boosters. Getting the booster will stave off the illness, as long as you get it within 14 days of contact.

We Promise to Start Washing Our Hands from Now on.

As I understand it, even if you have been vaccinated you could still possibly pass on the virus to others. But you won't get it if we sneeze or cough on you. Remember "fecal-oral." As long as we wash our hands after the bathroom, you should be fine. We promise to start doing that from now on.

WINK.

Between the clots and the Hep A scare, this first week of braces has been a real party!

Now it's time to answer...

Pam's Product Review Questions

Does the product do what it says it will? Yes, but it may have given us Hep A.
Is the product worth the money you paid? I paid $9.99 for a big ol' bag. It would have been a great deal except for that it may have given us Hep A. And the shots cost us $330 total (which Costco has agreed to reimburse us for).
How would you improve the product? Make sure it doesn't give people Hep A.
Would you repurchase/recommend to others? No, as it might give you Hep A.
Caveats: No caveats. Just don't buy them.

Townsend Farms Organic Antioxidant Blend Frozen Berries

Hopefully nowhere. They should have been taken off the shelves by now.

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